Embracing where you are...

 

 This is the stuff that drives me crazy, 

This is the stuff that's getting to me lately. 

In the middle of my little mess, 

I forget how big I'm blessed. 

This is the stuff that gets under my skin, 

But I've got to trust you know exactly what you're doing. 

Might not be what I would choose, 

but this is the stuff you use. 

  As I sat working on lesson plans this afternoon I started listening to my three little boys' heavy breathing and started watching them sleep...and I realized...even though I feel exhausted half the time and sometimes my babies get crazy...I love them more than anything. I have one that still isn't walking...today he pulled himself up with the cabinet door and slowly made his way to where I was sitting - only to collapse against me, chubby arms wrapped around my neck, head back, mouth wide open for a kiss - I don't know how anyone could resist smiling at that! My baby boys make me happy. When they hurt, I hurt and want to fix it. When they're happy, I'm happy. 

 I've had big plans in life - pharmacy tech, singing, accounting - but I've always wanted a family, so I always come back to childcare. I guess that seeing these smiling faces every morning, and caring for them all day helps me realize that my dreams aren't gone - they're simply on hold. I've been through stuff that I never imagined I would have to go through - stuff that I would never want anyone I love to have to endure. Time heals all pain - it doesn't feel like it at times; and maybe sometimes it just dulls the pain, but it does get better. I still have big plans - I still want to go back to college and get a degree in child psychology and finish up my Bachelor's in Early Childhood Education, I still want to have a family one day - but I realize that for now, I am where I need to be. Sometimes you have to truly learn from your mistakes so that you'll be ready when your next door opens. 

 I was recently asked this question - "What is the most important lesson you can learn in life?" My answer was contentment - learning that no matter what you're given, no matter what gets taken away, no matter what goes wrong...you can be content in your circumstances. This doesn't mean you'll always be happy or that you'll always like your circumstances - it means that you know you will survive and that if the circumstances aren't happy ones - they are only for a season. 

 Contentment is not an easy lesson. It is very easy to complain, stress, or whine. Learning contentment can make life so much easier and can help you make it through some tough times. 

What do you think? What is THE most important lesson you can learn in life?

One...two...skip a few beats little heart

The heart is a muscle, and what do muscles do when they're torn? 

They grow back even stronger.

I used wonder how people could just all of the sudden stop loving each other. How you could go from happily ever after, to never in a million years. Over the past few years I've learned some valuable lessons in the department of love. Love isn't just a feeling, it's something that has to be worked at daily. Sure, there is an initial attraction between two people that we all think of as "the spark of love". But it takes hard work and determination to keep that spark lit. That first spark is sort of like a pilot light on a fire place (A pilot light is a small gas flame, usually natural gas or liquefied petroleum gas, which is kept alight in order to serve as an ignition source for a more powerful gas burner.), if that spark is watched and cared for it will ignite something powerful; however, if it is allowed to burn out, it takes a lot more work to restart it.

My ideas have changed on love. I no longer think that people fall out of love, I think that someone quits trying. Many people believe that if one person still believes and works for the relationship it will last...I disagree. If only one person is fighting for a relationship/marriage it will never last. Whether it comes from discouragement, or a sense of defeat, or just a weariness from being the only one who cares...eventually, they will collapse. Love is designed to work when two people love each other, not when one person loves someone and the other person does their own thing. 

The Urban Dictionary says this about love:

Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.

Need....you need them. Love is about two people completing each others lives. You work together towards a goal...forever. When two people decide that what they have is worth fighting for, nothing will come between them. But it takes two...two people with the same goal, two people with the same emotions, two people with the same willingness to do whatever it takes. 

Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense,and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you're in love. If you find it, don't let it go.

The pain of losing love feels unbearable; because, for however long it lasted, they completed you...you needed them. It's hard to go from relying on someone, to realizing they don't rely on you for anything anymore. It's like a shot to the leg, it takes away your ability to walk through life for a little while. But like most injuries, time heals...you may limp, you may be unsure or timid of trying to walk again...but slow steps lead to great triumphs and victories.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:

That word is love.

-Sophocles

Boss It Up

Sometimes we're given the chance for greatness, sometimes it can't be explained and sometimes it comes from the most unexpected places.
My life is far from perfect, far from where I want it to be. At the same time, there are things about my life that I wouldn't change for the world.
One of the biggest lessons I've learned (and am still learning) is that when something falls apart there is a reason. Sometimes something has to fall apart in our life so that something great can come together. There are no explanations because they're not needed. Why question greatness?
Is everything going right in my life? No, not everything is how I want. Am I happy? I couldn't be happier - I am a lucky girl. ;-) When I start doubting myself or my dreams I have a constant reminder than I can accomplish them and that I am amazing. Not everyone has that, so for that I am extremely grateful and thankful. Like I said, I'm a lucky girl.
I have dreams and I have hopes. Will these happen when I want them to? Probably not. Another thing I'm learning is patience, such a hard thing to grasp. I'm learning that my timing isn't always God's timing. I plan to position myself for greatness, to put myself right in its path so that it won't pass me by.
Reach for your goals, your dreams, your ambitions. They'll come calling when you least expect it. Remember, don't question greatness, position yourself for it, except it, love it, and own it! You are amazing and you deserve this!

How does that brain work?!

So I come home from my first job with every intention of sitting down and finishing up my speech so I could post it for school today. I have about two hours between jobs so I figured that would give me time to organize my thoughts and record the speech on my phone, then go to the coffee shop and upload it.
I came into my room and sat down to start writing and I happened to glance down at the floor and thought, "Holy crap, I need to vacuum!" So I went and got the vacuum, but the canister was full. I go into the kitchen to empty the canister into the trash and there's no trash bag!
I go to the laundry room to grab a trash bag and notice that I didn't clean out the cat litter like I'd planned so I emptied it and gave them fresh. Now I have an empty bag of trash and a full bag. Empty bag goes into the trash can and the full bag goes outside to the big trash can.
While I'm outside I notice the dog toys all over the yard so I quickly pick them up and throw a few with the boys (who are pathetic when it comes to catch!). Then it hits me that my actual speech is in the car so I go to grab it out and see the trash in my car. Since I'm right by the big trash can I pull out all the trash from my car.
Back inside I finally start vacuuming the floors. As I go to take the vacuum back I notice all the cat fur in the living room so I decide I need to sweep the non-carpeted floors.
After all this I finally sat down to finish up my speech. Three whole minutes on "Psychological Abuse". I guarantee you I took 50 different videos. And it's still not uploaded. Lovely!
Can you say a.d.d.?!

Play the strings of my heart ♥♥♥♥♥♥

A few of the songs that are at the top of my playlist these days and why

♥Arms by Christina Perri♥
Her voice is hauntingly beautiful! I absolutely love her music. Arms has been at the top of my playlist for awhile. I'm not really sure why, I think it is like an amazing dream. "You put your arms around me and I'm home" - one day that will be a reality. "I can't decide if I'll let you save my life, or if I'll drown" - "The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved". Such a beautiful song!

♥It Will Rain - by Bruno Mars♥
Although I haven't been a huge fan of Bruno Mars songs up until now, this song never gets old. It's the perfect love song, filled with the perfect words to describe a love that can not be taken away. "Just like the clouds my eyes will do the same if you walk away, everyday it will rain, rain, rain..."

♥Dance With You - by Live♥
I was introduced to this band a few years ago and fell in love with their music. This song in particular became one of my favorites. For some reason it always calms me down listening to it.

♥Poison and Wine - by The Civil Wars♥
I just recently discovered this song and am now a huge fan of this band. Their harmony is phenomenal! I absolutely love listening to male/female duets. I miss being in the band and doing duets, I loved it!

♥Set Fire To The Rain - by Adele♥
Adele and Christina Perri are my two favorite singers right now. Both of their voices absolutely amaze me. This song quickly became one of my favorites when it started playing on the radio. I like to play it in the mornings when I'm starting my day!

♥The Lonely - by Christina Perri♥
I was talking about the three songs that always seem to cause a lump in my throat and my sister told me to look up this song. It is amazing! Like I said, her voice is hauntingly beautiful...and this song is gorgeous. The lyrics are straight out of me I swear! "Too afraid to go inside for the pain of one more loveless night. But the loneliness will stay with me and hold me til I fall asleep."

●Painful Knots●

I've prayed a lot of prayers, but this prayer has quickly become my favorite so I thought I would break it down and explain why.

Dear God, please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart, and my life.

Remove the have nots, the can nots, and the do nots that I have in my mind. -
This is an area that I struggle with daily. It's easy to look at your life and pinpoint everything that you wish you had, that you don't have. It's so easy for us to complain about these things. We point out the reasons that we don't have them, and how bad we wish we did. There are many days where I get upset over the things that I can't do. The things that maybe I used to be able to that now I can't. Or the things that I wish I had time to do but don't.

Erase the will nots, may nots, and might nots that may find a home in my heart. -
I have a huge fear of things that will not, may not, or might not happen. I think that because of some things I've been through I find it hard to believe that things will really come about like they are supposed to. I constantly worry about the may nots and might nots instead of focusing on the positives in my life.

Release me from the could nots, would nots, and should nots that obstruct my life. -
I think we all struggle with the things that we could not accomplish or do. This "not" causes me pain and hurt constantly. There are so many things that I look back and wish would have happened or should have happened. Things that I feel have become could/would/should nots in my life.

And most of all dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart, and my life all of the "am nots" that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough. -
And this is where the tears flow. I know that this is the main "not" that I struggle with daily. The "am not". Although I was raised in a Christian family and was constantly told that the devil will try and get you to believe that you are nothing and that you have no purpose, I still struggle with remembering that. I struggle with the thought that maybe I am the problem, that maybe I am the cause of everything that has gone wrong in my life, that I will never be good enough to accomplish the things I want to accomplish with my life. It's hard to remember that we each have a purpose and a destiny in life. When things get hard it's easy to forget this, it's easy to cry, it's easy to feel pain. I keep meaning to put this part of the prayer in random places where I will see it throughout the day. It's a reminder that I need right now.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Believe in what your heart is saying...

Reliable: Capable of being relied on; dependable.
Trustworthy: Deserving of trust or confidence; dependable; reliable.
Dependable: Trustworthy and reliable.

What does it mean to be a trustworthy person? What does it mean to be a reliable person? What does it mean to be dependable? What would your defintion be?

I find it a little crazy that the three words that are most important to me when it comes to friendships and relationships are all synonyms. I picked three words that all define each other!

I'm the type of person who trusts a little too much at first. I used to think of myself as a person who trusted very little, but the more I think about it the more I realize that I trust wayyyy too much at first! There's a little detail about trust though...once it's broken - it's hard to get back. And when it comes to me, it's almost impossible for you to gain my trust after you've lost it. Any lie, or any promise broken is a loss of trust.

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”

Then there is the whole dependable/reliable issue. This is where most people in my life seem to fail. If I say I'm going to do something, I stick with the plan. Unless something drastic happens - I will adhere to the plan. One thing that will push me away faster than anything else is a person who cannot be relied on for anything. Don't tell me one thing and do another. I will ignore things for a long time, but if the back and forth keeps happening, it will finally irritate me enough to push me back away from you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, all in all - I'm a pretty easy going person. Here lately though, I feel like I have no one reliable in my life, no one that I trust. I don't mean that I have no friends or people around...I just have no one that I completely, 100% trust anymore. It upsets me to realize that, but at the same time - it's almost a reality check for me. I'm learning to trust myself, and myself only. I'm learning to rely on myself, and myself only.

I love coming home at night - there are four things I can depend on...a golden retriever craving any ounce of attention, a collie who just wants to be near me, one cat curled up at my feet, and another one wanting to be held. These are my realities, these are my dependables.

“Animals are reliable, full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to.”

Enough is Enough

“Don’t let the past steal your present” – Cherralea Morgen


As I was sitting here tonight thinking about my life and where I am currently, a weird and haunting realization hit me. To be honest, I think that because of the pain it had caused, I had blocked out a portion of my life. But in reality, that section of my life has dictated the way I have lived my life ever since.

About 6 or 7 years ago something was taken stolen from me. Something that was very precious to me. When someone steals something their only thought is what they want, they don't think about how their actions will impact someone else. They have a me mentality.

Although I chose to block out the pain of that memory, it has ultimately impacted the way I live my day to day life. I realized tonight that I have become a giver...but not necessarily in a good way. It's one thing if you give out of the kindness of your heart - which to some people I do, so that part of my giving is good. It's another thing when you give so that the person cannot say they took something that you didn't want them to take. Perhaps the majority of my kindness and giving isn't really giving at all...I just don't want someone to be able to say that they "stole" something from me ever again.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” – Maria Robinson

We are all faced with a choice daily as to how we will live our life. The attitude we will have, what we will let impact us, what we will put up with, and what we will do. One thing that we have been given is the gift of choice. What we do with that gift is up to us. I've spent the majority of the past 7 years choosing to overlook problems, get over the abuse, and to give constantly so nothing could be taken.

NOT ANYMORE! I don't want that to be me. I don't want to be the one who gets trampled. I don't want to be the one who gives just so it can't be taken. I don't want to be the one who allows things to happen because I feel like that's my "lot".

I've been blessed...I know I am. Although I have been through hell and back, I know that I have much to be thankful for as well. But this area of my life has got to stop!

Don’t settle for less when you’re worth so much more…

Thoughts I'm Having These Days

Here recently it was brought to my attention how little I say about things. I think in the recent past I have actually learned how to keep inside what I want to say in situations. There are about a hundred times a day during my work that I could voice my opinion, but I've learned not to (most of the time). Sometimes the best thing to do is keep it inside. But then what? What happens when it all builds up and you are going crazy inside? well...then you blog about it, duh!

I realized that I am really quite a calm person. I don't say a lot to people when I don't like the things they say. Most of the time I will get quiet, or I will ignore them, or I will give looks (that is as far as I usually go). In my head words are flying...the "this is what I felt like saying" or the "I should have said...". But I don't, I don't say a word at all.

Then it happens, the night where it all comes crashing down. That night was tonight. I'm working two jobs now and there are certain people that I could do without in that area of my life, they could disappear move far, far away and it would probably make me breathe a little easier. I have a lot of insomnia...which I don't do well with when I'm working two jobs. So tonight at work, it all came crashing in - not sure if it was a mini panic attack, a nervous breakdown, or what...

I wanted so bad to just let it all out, to scream at those I wanted to scream at. To tell a few people what I've thought of them for a while now. But you know what I did, held it in.

Sometimes I hate this part about me. Sometimes I wish I was like all the fiesty little people who will just flat out say what they think. But that's just not me...probably never will be. So here's to those who will speak their mind and not care what people think! I, for one, feel the need to not step on people's toes keep the peace wherever I am.

Letters with meaning

“It isn't what you have in your pocket that makes you thankful, but what you have in your heart.”

I've seen so many people doing their "thankful" lists. Most people do one thing their thankful for everyday. My aunt does the letters to "thanks". I decided to compile my list using the letters to "thankful".

T: Time

-

I'm thankful for the little moments these days. I think that I took time for granted before I started working two jobs, now I regret not using my time a bit wiser in the past.

H: Health

-

Many of us don't even think about this one until something terrible happens that brings it to our attention. I am so thankful and greatful that God has blessed me with health.

A: Abstract Moments

-

My life is full of these moments. Abstract is defined as - Existing in thought or as an idea but not having a physical or concrete existence. I constantly have ideas or thoughts of dreams, wishes, and hopes. These things are not physically exisiting yet, simply a thought. But I am so thankful for the abstract ideas and dreams that God has placed in my heart.

N: Nature

-

Living out in the country isn't always the greatest, but it definitely gives you an appreciation and gratefulness for the beautiful creation that God gave us. I was watching the leaves fall outside my window and thinking about how beautiful nature can be. I love watching the leaves fall, I love watching my dogs fight run and play in them. I love being able to see every single star in the sky at night. You can't see stars in the city...but here in the country, you can see every little tiny star in the sky!

K: Knowledge

-

I am so thankful that God has granted me the ability to go back to school. I will be returning to school to pursue a degree in Accounting in the Spring because of a grant through our local college. I am continuously amazed at how God provides even for the small steps in my life!

F: Friends

-

I'm learning that they are very, very _few and ^far between, but I am so thankful for the handful of true friends that I have been blessed with. It's always nice to have someone who can relate with you or someone who will just listen when you need to get something off your chest.

U: Understanding

-

God is slowly helping me to develop this trait. It is something that I struggle with constantly. But I am very thankful that He is working to get me where I need to be with understanding!

L: Love

-

I don't know where I'd be without this amazing gift. I have the love of an amazing Savior who never, ever fails me and never ceases to completely amaze me. I have the love of an amazing family, I can't begin to express what an amazing family I have. I have the best parents ever, and an amazing bunch of siblings!

It seems that most people have decided to skip over Thanksgiving this year. Houses are already decorated, gifts are already being purchased, everyone is focused on the hustle and bustle of Christmas, but so many have just decided to skip right over Thanksgiving. Mind you, they'll have a dinner with family and friends that they'll complain about fixing and complain about cleaning up after. But very few will actually take the time to remember what this holiday is all about. The Pilgrims endured a hard journey, and a hard beginning in the new world. But the Pilgrims recognized that everything we have is a gift from God – even our sorrows. Their Thanksgiving tradition was established to honor God and thank Him for His blessings and His grace.

Happy Thanksgiving!

And they said it would snow...

I spent this past Wednesday-Friday in Waynesville, NC with my boss helping another store there reset some of their areas so that they would be ready for a big visit from the higher ups next week.
When we first got there it was chilly but as the afternoon came it got colder and colder. I think on average it was in the low forties the majority of the time we were there. Nighttime was so cold though. I wasn't smart enough to pack a coat so I was just glad that I had thought to pack all long sleeved shirts.
While we were there we ate at this place called Fat Buddies...BBQ! It was good but I made the mistake of eating pork instead of beef and I'm allergic to pork so I was in pain the rest of the day. That night we ate at a seafood place called Maggie's Galley. I decided to be good and ate a Greek Salad...and boy am I glad I did - everyone else got sick off of the food.
We spent the time resetting their home, toy, and accessories section. It was a lot of work but overall we had a fun trip up there. We spent Friday evening and Saturday morning fixing up our own store. Hopefully everyone is ready now! :-)

Push, Pull, Pat - - PITA!

“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

I tried my hand at something new today. I recently decided to try and eat a bit healthier...a little less bread, more veggies and fruit. So I have switched to low-calorie flat breads and pitas. But after realizing that I could buy a loaf of bread for $1.27 and 5 pitas cost me $2.14 I had to do something different. So I pulled out the flour, sugar, salt, oil, yeast, and water and went to work.

Now you might say that is a tad on the drastic side to save money. But I grew up in the kitchen with my mom. We used to make homemade bread all the time. Not only was it cheaper that way, it tasted SOOOOO much better! I figured that pitas wouldn't be easy to make, but they actually surprised me. A bit time consuming...yes. But they're not that hard! I mixed up the dough and kneaded it, then left it to rise for 3 hours. After that all I had to do was knead it out and bake it.

4 minutes on the first side, and they poof up (at least, they're supposed to!) and then it's 2 min on the other side. All of this at a high temperature of 500 degrees. I'm sure with practice I will perfect the art of pita making. My first time, about every other one came out right. They didn't always poof up, but they taste great and I can cut them open! Needless to say, I will not be spending $2.14 on 5 pitas when I have the ability to make them myself. Next batch will be whole wheat!

The Amusement Park Of Me

Have you ever thought about life as if it were a theme park? Which ride describes you? I was at work today watching everyone - it is amazing how much you can pick up on a person's life just by watching them. You can learn how they interact with others, how they deal with things, if they're happy or sad. It got me thinking about the different types of lives that there are and how they compare to theme park rides. I picked 8 to look at...

First off there is the DROP TOWER life, this life is one of those where one minute the person is sky high, floating on clouds and nothing could go wrong. The next minute their entire world is crashing towards the ground and they can find no way to stop. They scream and cry that they are going to hit rock bottom soon, but somehow - they always manage to survive. They never do crash, things slow down and their breathing returns to normal.

Next comes the FERRIS WHEEL life, these people are probably some of the most common. They have an even flow of ups and downs, sometimes being the optimist, other times the pessimist. They seem to be on a smooth, consistent flow in their life. There are no major twists or curves, just a steady motion that you can always count on.

Of course you also have the HOUSE OF MIRRORS life, this type of person stays confused. They never know if they are coming or going. This could depress them, frustrate them, or make them completely angry. No matter what they do there is always another picture that lures them in another direction. When they think they have "found their way out", they see something else that pulls them in another direction. These people live their life in a maze of indecision.

There are some who live the LOG FLUME life, in this ride of life people generally go with the flow. There may be a few sudden drops or changes, but for the most part they're just riding along the river of life. They are content to simply let life take the lead and put them where it wants to put them. They have no real plans, no desires, no ambitions. They simply want to take the ride of life.

There is the OBSERVATION TOWER life. This type of person is content to watch life pass them by. They have no real interest in taking part, no desire to take the initiative to get into the groove of life and experience all life has to offer. They watch other people's lives, pick out the positives and negatives and talk about them...but they never take time to live their own life.

The ROLLER COASTER life is probably the most dramatic life. These people are on a constant up and down motion, they take sharp turns and curves. Their lives are lived fast paced, never taking time to slow down and enjoy life. There are moments where their lives are upside down, right side up, curving left, being hurled right...you never know what it is going to be like when you are around a person living this life.

A life that I find interesting is the REVERSE BUNGEE! Now, generally a bungee means the person is basically falling until they are jerked back up. In a reverse bungee it is literally a slingshot motion. These people aren't afraid to propel themselves forward no matter what it takes. They are willing to take whatever risks it takes for them to become a dramatic part of life. They want people to know them and remember them.

I think my favorite might be the TUMBLE BUG life. On this ride of life riders experience motion that is rotational as well as vertical. Life moves at a steady pace...not crazy fast, not crazy slow...steady. It is upright, sure if something major happens it can be turned upside down, but for the most part it stays vertical. There are changes in the direction, but they are not major changes, they are rational and steady.

What a calm world we would live in if everyone chose the Ferris Wheel, the Tumble Bug, the Observation Tower, or the Log Flume as their chosen ride of life. But then, who would we stare at? Who would we compare our lives to? Who would we write about?!

Promise me tomorrow...

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Love: An intense feeling of deep affection.

How can you define true love? Is it even possible? I think that it really depends on who you're talking to, because everyone gives love differently and everyone pictures receiving love differently. I don't think there is technically a right or wrong definition of true love. I think that we just have to learn the way another person sees love so that we can show our love for them.

Jesus Christ knew what true and unconditional love was - He came and died for us so that we could live forever in eternity. He gave up all He had for each of us. Did He want to? He wanted to be obedient to His Father, but He also requested for God to let his death pass from Him. I don't think that He desired to die, but He desired to be obedient to His Father and He chose to show His love for His Father and His unconditional love for us through His death on the cross.

Now, am I comparing the love of God to human love? Not by any means - but there are some similarities between the two.

To me - true, unconditional love is when you lay aside your dreams, goals, and wishes so that you can become a part of another person's dreams and goals. It's not always easy to accomplish this kind of love and if the other person never chooses to acknowledge your dreams and wishes as well it can be a very long and difficult road.

Another aspect of true love is trust, which is something that I feel we are always going to have to work at and strive to achieve. Trust is defined as Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. That is far from easy in the world that we live in. Even if you begin to feel like you have accomplished trusting the person you love - it is easy to start losing that trust when you think about those who are around them daily, tempting them to break your trust. Still, a true aspect of love is trust, and in order to fully give love it is something we must constantly strive to perfect in ourselves.

Love is a feeling, but it is also very much an action. It is something that so many people want, but so few are willing to work for. Too often people feel like it's just easier to give up instead of working towards something great. But if two people are willing to truly work together to create an unconditional love, it will last a lifetime.

“It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.”

Cinderella is that you?!

Yesterday I had a conversation with two of my fellow employees about cleaning...haha. Yes, we were talking about how each of us clean. And I got to thinking...I should be doing a much better job than I'm doing right now!!

So I have two off days this week and they just so happen to be back to back. Today and tomorrow. My plan today was to work on cleaning up the house really well and then get an example of the Christmas card I'm going to make done. But as we all know...plans rarely work out!

I decided to start by vacuuming all the floors - which turned into vacuuming floors and baseboards. Then on to vacuuming the furniture - which turned into furniture and all the doors. Then I decided to wipe down the baseboards and doors - which turned into all out scrubbing them. I also needed to mop the floors but I decided to be a bit thorough so I scrubbed them with a rag and bucket...just like Cinderella! Lol
Needless to say I ended up spending six full hours scrubbing this house and my Christmas cards didn't get a start!

Now as I lay here watching my evening shows, my arm is already throbbing and my finger feels bruised from my detail scrubbing of the kitchen floor. Good thing I have tomorrow off too!

Tomorrow my plan is back in place. I'm going to sit down in my clean craft room and work on Christmas card ideas until I make the perfect one!!!

11 or 12? The Choice Is Yours!

"One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present and make it beautiful so it will be worth remembering."

I've always heard that you use more muscles when you frown so you should smile cause it takes less effort. I guess that all depends on which website you look at. According to straightdope.com it takes 11 muscles to frown and 12 to smile. So why not use that one extra muscle to smile you ask? Because it's human nature to do the easier of the two, which is frowning (less muscles).

The other day I got to thinking, "Who is the happiest person I know?" The answer didn't take long to surface in my mind. It's easy for some people to act like life is all rainbows and sunshine, that they do no wrong, their children and spouse are perfect, and their world is a little peek into heaven - but every other person on the planet is looking at those people going, "Yeah right!" The person that I'm thinking of takes on a different view. They admit that their life isn't perfect and their world is not all rainbows and sunshine, yet they remain upbeat about it. They don't let life's struggles pull their outlook down.

I once asked them the question I ask so many people, "Is life how you pictured it would be a few years ago?" The typical responses I get are, "Not at all" or "Good Lord no!" This person said, "Yeah, pretty much." They're content with where they are and what they have. I want to learn that contentment. To be able to say, "The car is having issues, bills aren't getting paid, work is awful - but things are going to look up soon for me, I just know it!" There's so much going on in my life that could easily bring me down, frustrate me, or make me want to throw in the towel on things. But I don't want to be like everyone else...I want to be the person who stands out in everyone's mind as a happy person.

Sure, life is going to throw curve balls, but I don't want to spend my life on the ground dodging them. I want to learn how to catch them so that the next one can't catch me off guard. Life is whatever we make of it. We can choose to let it drag us down, or we can choose to stare it down until no problem can scare us! I'll never have it perfectly together, no one will, but I want to be able to say that when everything around me is going wrong I'm going to be better soon...and mean every single word!

"You won't realize the distance you've walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've come!"

переводчик

I've spent the last two nights (literally all night - 7 p.m. to 7 a.m.) listening to Russians speaking back and forth. I wanted to scream one of the only Russian words I know - переводчик (perevodchik) - INTERPRETER!

Ok, a little background is needed. The store that I work for was having the floors redone - stripped and then re-waxed. So for two nights I stayed at work while the two Russian men redid the floors.

It got me thinking - there is such a difference between my language and theirs. From my dad being involved in ministry in Eastern Europe I picked up on some of what they were saying, but for the most part it was just another foreign language to me. I've always wanted to learn other languages. If I could pick up three languages I would choose Russian, French, and Spanish.

It's frustrating trying to understand someone from another country. You feel embarrassed because a lot of times you have to ask them to repeat stuff for you. I hear a lot of people get mad and complain that the foreign people should learn to speak English. Although I do agree with them to some extent, I also have to take another viewpoint - if I was moving to their country, how would I feel? I'd feel nervous trying to learn their language, I would hope that they would be understanding with me as I tried to master their language.

I started taking note of the similarities I could see. I thought their language sounded all ran together, but ours probably sounds exactly the same to them. The problem is that we don't know where their words separate, but we know where ours do, so ours doesn't sound all run together. It was easy to tell when they started arguing or when they were joking around with each other. A lot of times, our facial expressions and our body language can convey what we are saying before our words do.

One of them spoke a little English - enough to communicate with me some. He introduced himself to me as Jan (pronounced John) when they first arrived at the store and I told him my name. During those two days he never had to ask my name a second time. I guess I found it interesting because I don't really have a common name and yet he remembered it without asking again. I couldn't begin to tell you what the second guys name was, although I'm pretty sure he introduced himself to me at some point.

I find it fun to figure out the ways that different countries are the same. It's easy to sit down and see how other countries are so different compared to America, but the similarities are what I find so fascinating. If there is one thing these past two nights brought to my attention, it is how very much I miss missions trips and ministry outreach with my family. Hearing the Russian language over the past two nights has reminded me of my one overseas trip in ministry with my dad so many years ago. I miss feeling like I am having an impact on peoples lives, I miss helping other people and sharing the love and peace that has so freely been given to me time and time again over the years.

Someday I hope to be in a place where I can begin doing missions trips again. I think that my heart is definitely drawn to doing missions work and helping those around me.

Isaiah 6:8 “Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.”

When they fell...

Do you remember where you were?
That's the question that always gets asked about September 11th. How could you forget? I think everyone remembers exactly where they were when the tragedy occurred. I remember I was at home and mom turned on the tv in our living room (which was unheard of, we didn't really ever watch tv growing up). I remember watching it and although probably not fully comprehending what the magnitude of the attack meant, I knew that a lot of people were losing their lives, a lot of people were losing their loved ones as I watched the tv screen. I remember feeling scared, wondering why someone would do that? How someone could justify their actions? But all too soon, we moved on and didn't think about it. Sure...every year we all stop and remember 9/11 on 9/11. But honestly, how often do we as American's think about it at any other time?

It was bad enough when one airplane crashed into one of the World Trade Centers, but then a second came. The reality that terrorists had slipped through our "secure world", or "free country" was unreal. How could we have missed this? How could we not catch 4 different people overtaking 4 different planes on the same day.

In a matter of minutes our security was ripped away from us, people turned to prayer and faith to get them through the trying days after the tragedy. But within weeks it was like most of the country returned to normal. Sure security at airports is heightened more now, especially around holidays. Some people are scared of flying or have fears of attacks. But for the most part we "forget" about it most of the year. We forget about the men and women of our armed forces who are fighting daily in another country to ensure that this doesn't happen again.

Lights were placed in remembrance of where the World Trade Towers once stood. Flags were raised by firefighters longing for a sense of hope in a place where so much devastation now existed.

I think that the most stunning image from this horrible tragedy is the cross made of steel at Ground Zero. A sense of hope is seen in the image of the cross amidst a sea of pain and suffering.

It's easy to get lost in our lives and forget what has happened to us in the past. But I hope that we all take the time to thank those protecting us from those who would strip away our security. There are men and women risking their lives daily so that we will not have to suffer here at home like we all did on 9/11.

Always Remember, Never Forget!

No Passport Paradise

No passport paradise, yep that's my kind of place.


Vacation: a period of rest or freedom from duty.

Vacations are thought of as a get away, a break from reality, time spent away from everyday life in a place thought of as "paradise".

Ha! Yeah right! I don't know about you but I get back from a "vacation" and I collapse. We live our lives so rushed, fast paced and over-planned. We go on these so called "vacations" and make tons of plans and spend the entire trip trying to cram a year of planning into a week or a weekend.

Sure, there's some relaxing involved. We might lay out on the beach for a few hours, sleep in an hour or two longer than usual, or watch some tv without any worries. But if we're not careful with our planning even our relaxation time on the beach can be disrupted by the crazy college volleyball game, or the kid dumping sand into the wind, or even worse that relaxing may become a terrible sunburn. Our sleeping in could cause us to be sluggish, or even worse - we might miss something we had PLANNED!!!

I guess I say all that to say that one day I plan to visit the three saints: St. Thomas, St. John, and St. Croix. A trip to the Virgin Islands is one of my biggest dreams. It definitely tops my bucket list. I want to go with no major plans, no real intentions, just relaxation, relaxation, relaxation!

The only problem with a trip where you can truly relax is that it costs money...and quite a bit of it! I guess it's time for me to start figuring out how to make some big bucks! 

What about you? When you think of a relaxing paradise what/where do you picture? What no passport paradise pops into your head?    

Have you ever stopped to notice...

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle."
- Vincent van Gogh

When I decided to go to school to become a teacher I knew exactly why I had made that decision. I love children, always have, and I knew that I wanted to try and make a difference in as many kid's lives as possible. When I started classes my teacher told each of us that we were now advocates (a person who speaks or writes in support or defense of a person, cause, etc.) for all children. She also told us that we might be the only "constant" a child has in life.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
- Emily Stone

The other day I watched as a young girl I knew changed her baby, and then placed her in a car seat without buckling her in and drove off. In that moment I realized that not only was it upsetting to me, it made me angry. Angry that she wouldn't care enough to protect that little life she was given, angry that she would even be allowed to be responsible for that child, and angry that so many responsible women would give anything to take care of that tiny baby but can't. Here lately I've really started wondering why God allows some people to have children when others can't. It seems completely unfair that a young girl who is reckless and can't handle her own responsibilities is entrusted with a life when a mature adult with everything in order is not blessed with the joy of having a tiny life beat inside of them.

I always wondered what it would be like to be a social worker. I've thought about all of the children you could help and the impact you would make on so many lives. But what about the ones that slip through? I think of the little girl in NC who recently died from MRSA. They said that DSS was "looking into" her case, but can you imagine being her case worker? I know I would have been devastated. I would worry about what more I could have done for that little girl, what I could have changed or done different to protect her.

I'm not saying that unplanned pregnancies are always a disaster. My niece was not a "planned" pregnancy, my sister was never one that really wanted children, but she has turned out to be an incredible mother and loves her little girl like crazy. She has raised a beautiful, sweet, incredibly smart little girl. There are rare occasions where young mothers turn into great mothers. But the majority of teenage mothers are too preoccupied with their "it's all about me" mentality to really pay attention to the child they created. I see so many children pushed off on their grandparents or their relatives because the young parents don't want to be "bothered" and want to do their own thing. This makes me wonder why God doesn't have a "standby" button. Why is it that He can't put these people on standby until they are mature enough to take on the responsibilities they are creating?

Now I'm not crazy, I know that is impossible. But just think about how many tiny hearts would hurt less, how many small lives would be saved. We will never be able to correct the stupidity and the careless, senseless actions of those around us, but hopefully we can be a "constant" and be able to impact the small lives who had no choice in the first place!

“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”
- Richard L. Evans

It has been said that we have to live with the choices we make, but what about the people effected by our choices, they also have to live with our choice!