Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thoughts I'm Having These Days

Here recently it was brought to my attention how little I say about things. I think in the recent past I have actually learned how to keep inside what I want to say in situations. There are about a hundred times a day during my work that I could voice my opinion, but I've learned not to (most of the time). Sometimes the best thing to do is keep it inside. But then what? What happens when it all builds up and you are going crazy inside? well...then you blog about it, duh!

I realized that I am really quite a calm person. I don't say a lot to people when I don't like the things they say. Most of the time I will get quiet, or I will ignore them, or I will give looks (that is as far as I usually go). In my head words are flying...the "this is what I felt like saying" or the "I should have said...". But I don't, I don't say a word at all.

Then it happens, the night where it all comes crashing down. That night was tonight. I'm working two jobs now and there are certain people that I could do without in that area of my life, they could disappear move far, far away and it would probably make me breathe a little easier. I have a lot of insomnia...which I don't do well with when I'm working two jobs. So tonight at work, it all came crashing in - not sure if it was a mini panic attack, a nervous breakdown, or what...

I wanted so bad to just let it all out, to scream at those I wanted to scream at. To tell a few people what I've thought of them for a while now. But you know what I did, held it in.

Sometimes I hate this part about me. Sometimes I wish I was like all the fiesty little people who will just flat out say what they think. But that's just not me...probably never will be. So here's to those who will speak their mind and not care what people think! I, for one, feel the need to not step on people's toes keep the peace wherever I am.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Letters with meaning

“It isn't what you have in your pocket that makes you thankful, but what you have in your heart.”

I've seen so many people doing their "thankful" lists. Most people do one thing their thankful for everyday. My aunt does the letters to "thanks". I decided to compile my list using the letters to "thankful".

T: Time
I'm thankful for the little moments these days. I think that I took time for granted before I started working two jobs, now I regret not using my time a bit wiser in the past.

H: Health
Many of us don't even think about this one until something terrible happens that brings it to our attention. I am so thankful and greatful that God has blessed me with health.

A: Abstract Moments
My life is full of these moments. Abstract is defined as - Existing in thought or as an idea but not having a physical or concrete existence. I constantly have ideas or thoughts of dreams, wishes, and hopes. These things are not physically exisiting yet, simply a thought. But I am so thankful for the abstract ideas and dreams that God has placed in my heart.

N: Nature
Living out in the country isn't always the greatest, but it definitely gives you an appreciation and gratefulness for the beautiful creation that God gave us. I was watching the leaves fall outside my window and thinking about how beautiful nature can be. I love watching the leaves fall, I love watching my dogs fight run and play in them. I love being able to see every single star in the sky at night. You can't see stars in the city...but here in the country, you can see every little tiny star in the sky!

K: Knowledge
I am so thankful that God has granted me the ability to go back to school. I will be returning to school to pursue a degree in Accounting in the Spring because of a grant through our local college. I am continuously amazed at how God provides even for the small steps in my life!

F: Friends
I'm learning that they are very, very few and far between, but I am so thankful for the handful of true friends that I have been blessed with. It's always nice to have someone who can relate with you or someone who will just listen when you need to get something off your chest.

U: Understanding
God is slowly helping me to develop this trait. It is something that I struggle with constantly. But I am very thankful that He is working to get me where I need to be with understanding!

L: Love
I don't know where I'd be without this amazing gift. I have the love of an amazing Savior who never, ever fails me and never ceases to completely amaze me. I have the love of an amazing family, I can't begin to express what an amazing family I have. I have the best parents ever, and an amazing bunch of siblings!

It seems that most people have decided to skip over Thanksgiving this year. Houses are already decorated, gifts are already being purchased, everyone is focused on the hustle and bustle of Christmas, but so many have just decided to skip right over Thanksgiving. Mind you, they'll have a dinner with family and friends that they'll complain about fixing and complain about cleaning up after. But very few will actually take the time to remember what this holiday is all about. The Pilgrims endured a hard journey, and a hard beginning in the new world. But the Pilgrims recognized that everything we have is a gift from God – even our sorrows. Their Thanksgiving tradition was established to honor God and thank Him for His blessings and His grace.

Happy Thanksgiving!