Thoughts I'm Having These Days

Here recently it was brought to my attention how little I say about things. I think in the recent past I have actually learned how to keep inside what I want to say in situations. There are about a hundred times a day during my work that I could voice my opinion, but I've learned not to (most of the time). Sometimes the best thing to do is keep it inside. But then what? What happens when it all builds up and you are going crazy inside? well...then you blog about it, duh!

I realized that I am really quite a calm person. I don't say a lot to people when I don't like the things they say. Most of the time I will get quiet, or I will ignore them, or I will give looks (that is as far as I usually go). In my head words are flying...the "this is what I felt like saying" or the "I should have said...". But I don't, I don't say a word at all.

Then it happens, the night where it all comes crashing down. That night was tonight. I'm working two jobs now and there are certain people that I could do without in that area of my life, they could disappear move far, far away and it would probably make me breathe a little easier. I have a lot of insomnia...which I don't do well with when I'm working two jobs. So tonight at work, it all came crashing in - not sure if it was a mini panic attack, a nervous breakdown, or what...

I wanted so bad to just let it all out, to scream at those I wanted to scream at. To tell a few people what I've thought of them for a while now. But you know what I did, held it in.

Sometimes I hate this part about me. Sometimes I wish I was like all the fiesty little people who will just flat out say what they think. But that's just not me...probably never will be. So here's to those who will speak their mind and not care what people think! I, for one, feel the need to not step on people's toes keep the peace wherever I am.